did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well I can't set my house on fire every night
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
