I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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