dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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