im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
