I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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