We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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