listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize