Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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