my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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