dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
