Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
