I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
