if i can run in heels then i can drive
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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