I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
