OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
