I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
