fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
