all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
