Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
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