Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize