do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
