Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
