You're my little dorito
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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