ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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