12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
