I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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