my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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