I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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