he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
