So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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