My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
