Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mom said you looked used
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
