Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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