in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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