...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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