It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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