Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
