I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
