I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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