That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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