you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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