Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
