Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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