I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
