I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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