Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
