I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
