You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
