Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
