I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
