After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
