rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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