Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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