Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
