AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
