You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
