You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize