I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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