i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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