Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
