Where is the hickey?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
