Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
50% drunk capacity currently
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
