My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
