The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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