Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
