all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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