Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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