Cold hands, warm shart.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
