Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
