Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
