so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
