Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize