you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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