All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
