My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well I can't set my house on fire every night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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