yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
