Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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