How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am puke
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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