To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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