I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
