what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
