i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
