Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
