Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
