and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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